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July 07, 2007
life goes on
She's been gone a week already. It's still not real.
I took possession of my house today. That's not real either.
I have a week to move now. What have I done? Why did I think I had to do this? So much responsibility. I don't want to pack; all I want to do is sit and wait for the pain to stop.
I don't want to move, but I have to. I don't want to go on without her, but I have to.
Life goes on.
09:44 PM | Permalink
Comments
Awww chick, ((((hugs)))). Dig deep, the strength is in there somewhere.
Posted by: kellie at Jul 7, 2007 11:36:56 PM
All I can suggest is - try to keep yourself busy and do not hire Mayflower to move you.
Posted by: Katie at Jul 8, 2007 12:17:35 AM
I'm so sorry. Maybe the distraction of the move will help. I'm hoping that's the case.
Posted by: Cara at Jul 8, 2007 3:44:42 AM
Hold on tight.
Cry as much and as long and as loud as you feel you need to.
Ask friends to help you move, and unpack right away, so you really feel at home instead of camping among boxes (I've been through that... several times. it's really depressing)
Take days one day at a time. The pain will never completely go away, but little by little you'll be able to live with it.
Think of all the good things you shared. Every time you think of her, she is still with you.
bon courage, michelle.
Posted by: Noémie at Jul 8, 2007 4:22:59 AM
I'm so sorry - if I lived closer, I'd offer to come over and pack for you. And I agree with Noemie - as long as she's in your memories, your mom will always be with you.
Posted by: Donna at Jul 8, 2007 6:32:45 AM
Aw, M. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Take it from one who knows, staying active and having to focus on deadlines really does help. You can handle the responsibility, I'm sure of it. Hugs.
Posted by: Kerstin at Jul 8, 2007 9:39:23 AM
I wish there was something I could say that would make it better, I really, really do. :-(
Posted by: Beth S. at Jul 8, 2007 10:12:45 AM
Only Love Prevails
Posted by: Ingrid at Jul 8, 2007 11:16:01 AM
I've lost both parents - my father when I was 23 and my mother when I was 37. I echo others in saying that you will never not miss loved ones who pass. Slowly though, memories of them will bring smiles instead of tears. There will days that are more difficult than others - holidays, birthdays, Mother's Day (still a tough one for me)- so expect occasional relapses. Grief is a journey - a slow one, but it does get better - the pain gets less acute. And lastly, I doubt your mother would want for you to not go on - doing so honors her - so although you don't feel like it, you must.
Posted by: Katie Bowers at Jul 8, 2007 12:14:03 PM
I was going to say exactly what Katie above me said. My mother died 14 years ago and I was with her when it happened. I honestly never thought I would be able to recover or get through the pain. But you will. Slowly. We're here to listen too. I don't like cyber hugs but you know what? You're getting one dammit.
Posted by: Scoutj at Jul 8, 2007 1:00:20 PM
I'm an only child and still have both my parents so can only imagine your sorrow. I dread the day I have to deal with their deaths but know that there are things worse. Hope you get through your move and are soon able to reflect without so much sadness. Thinking of you!
Posted by: Robin at Jul 8, 2007 1:56:57 PM
I am so sorry. I lost my mother, my best friend- 4 years ago. The tears gradually stopped and the ache in my heart subsided. There remains the fact that sometimes she would be the only one in the world that could understand how I feel or would laugh at something no one else in the world would. That's how mothers are, so when they are gone, you have to remember the joy of that fact. It's good you are moving, though it will be more tiring than another time in your life. Take care, eat well and sleep a little extra.
Posted by: Anne at Jul 8, 2007 7:15:08 PM
A really big hug to you, I am so sorry. Hang on, love your kitty and keep going at your own pace. I know it hurts, but hang on.
Posted by: Jaime at Jul 8, 2007 10:25:18 PM
I'm so sorry. I wish the loss of those we loved so much didn't hurt so excruciatingly. But the only way it wouldn't is because they didn't mean as much to us. Feel all the feelings; they are right and good. They honor a most important relationship.
Posted by: ninaclock at Jul 9, 2007 6:30:55 AM
I have to echo Noemie's advice *not* to live among boxes. Settle in to your new surroundings with the things you love. For while things cannot replace the people we love, they *can* serve as a connection to and manifestation of loved ones and beloved experiences.
Posted by: annmarie at Jul 9, 2007 7:37:12 AM
"Think of all the good things you shared. Every time you think of her, she is still with you."
Hope Noémie's wise words, and the fact that we're all thinking of you, will bring you some small measure of comfort.
Posted by: Joan at Jul 9, 2007 8:47:13 AM
Again, peace. It will come.
Posted by: JulieFrick at Jul 9, 2007 5:28:28 PM
I lost my parents a month and 3 days apart. My dad first and expected. My mom totally unexpected. We buried them together. It was the most painful period of my life. I was numb for a long time. But it does get better, and hurts less with the passing of time. Your mom would want you to be happy and do the things that make you happy. Be happy in your new home. She will be there with you.
Posted by: Marsha at Jul 10, 2007 7:07:51 PM
You are in my prayers.
Posted by: Lou at Jul 11, 2007 5:17:00 AM
I still have my parents, thank God. But a year and a half ago, I buried my stepdaughter after she was killed by a bomb in Iraq while she was serving in the Air Force. The pain of losing someone you love deeply is hard to describe.
My blessing to you through this hard time is that you are granted the courage each day to face your challenges and hold your head high. Let yourself feel this pain and know that it's normal.
In my religion (we're Jewish), we sit shiva for 7 days after the funeral and really permit ourselves to feel the mourning. And for parents, we say the Mourner's prayer each day for 11 months following the death of a parent. It makes sense to honor such a deep loss with formal grief. Honor her in whatever manner feels most appropriate to you.
I am in the middle of a cross country move myself, and my only advice there is to buy a lot of boxes, give yourself ample amounts of time to pack and load the truck, and to use movers if at all possible. Lean on your friends. Accept the food brought to you, and let people care for you in this difficult time.
You sound like you possess enormous strength. Best of luck to you, and my deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved mother.
Posted by: Alison Jacobson at Jul 11, 2007 10:03:03 AM
If you'd like some help packing/moving/cleaning/whatever, drop me an email. I would be happy to help out. Plus I'd get to meet Molly.
Posted by: BigAlice at Jul 11, 2007 11:25:58 AM
The biggest loss imaginable, plus moving home but not-home... I can't imagine how difficult it all is. Thinking of you.
Posted by: Rachael at Jul 11, 2007 11:45:45 AM
You don't know me, but I'm very sorry to read about your loss. My condolences to you and your family.
Posted by: Jenny at Jul 11, 2007 3:31:27 PM
M, Please let me know if you need any help with moving/packing/cleaning...just listening...anything. You are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Jen at Jul 11, 2007 10:08:37 PM
Moving will never be a distraction, and shouldn't. Distraction and forgetting don't help. We never get over the deep loss of someone so important. It's part of our lives from then on. We can only take it as part of us and just go on...
Posted by: Lisa at Jul 12, 2007 8:42:16 AM
