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May 26, 2005

"don't be so hard on yourself"

I get that one a lot.

Although it's almost always offered in a sincere spirit of concern and love--as far as advice goes--it's pretty useless.

How about telling a depressed person just to cheer up or an overweight person just to stop eating so much. It's too simplistic.

OK, try this: just for a few minutes, stop being the person you've been as long as you can remember--cold turkey.

See how easy that is? Nothing to it.


Just because you know where you're going doesn't mean you know how to get there.

02:20 PM | Permalink

Comments

Well yes,o.k.,I see your point.But...as a person who has suffered many bouts of depression I know that I had to make a decision to,indeed,not be so hard on myself.It's a bit more complicated than that,but that is the essence of it.

Posted by: Emma. at May 27, 2005 8:29:45 AM

Catching up on blogs, and just read this entry. I think you absolutely nailed it. That's exactly the problem with all those instantaneous resolutions and "affirmations." The change does require the conscious effort noted by Emma, but it almost never is accomplished in a single step. A skillful knitter I know is forever answering my questions with the phrase, "You just . . ." Well, if I could "just," I wouldn't have the question/obstacle in the firt place. It took considerable time to create/build/learn that habit or whatever, and unlearning it isn't going to happen with a finger snap insight. It's the subtle implication that I really could stop being depressed/screwing up my knitting, if I just wanted to. That's what I resent.

Posted by: Kendra at Jun 2, 2005 2:37:46 PM

You hit the nail on the head. I'm trying to do exactly that in my life and get so frustrated when people act like they think I should be doing it all the time already. I'm managing a lot better than I was and, quite frankly, it's hard!
That said, if it's somewhere you want to get it's worth the work.

Posted by: Bethieee at Jun 6, 2005 9:21:03 AM

Get that one all the time. I generally just kind of shrug and make a non-committal response, while inside I'm screaming "I've been this way for 36 years, how do you expect me to change on a dime?!?!?!"

I don't know. I tend to think it's an issue of brain-wiring - and that would be hard to change, not without doses of chemicals that I'm not sure I'm willing to deal with the side-effects of.

Another thing I wish I could get past is caring so much about what other people think of me. I thought that would come in time but I find I still backslide into my old insecure self, where every criticism is evidence of how much I well and truly suck and how my choice of doing whatever I was criticized on was both useless and pathetic...

then again, I do have good days.

Posted by: fillyjonk at Jun 6, 2005 1:04:16 PM

i need help im in so much depression i dont kow what to do i get mood swings im way to hard on my self i been hard on myself for about 2 years now trying to be someone im not i dont get mad cause i did bad on test or i make mistakes i get mad cause i wear the wrong things or hang out wih the wrong people or say the wrong things i cant handle it anymore and im scared that ill do something relly bad to myself if i let this go any longer i tried everything and it only works for about 5 min at most please contack me back as soon as posible

Posted by: wesley linfitt at Oct 6, 2007 3:11:21 PM